20 THINGS I LEARNT BY 20 (THE 3RD SEQUEL)

*Survey at the end of the blog post. Please do well to fill it out so I could adjust my delivery pattern and make your experience here wholesome. Thank you!🙏*

The wait for the third sequel fortunately wasn’t as long as the second. Before I continue I’d like to thank you if you’re a returning viewer and welcome if you’re a first timer. Your continuous support has contributed immensely to the growth of my blog. Sending love your way.

Also, I’d link the first two in the series below so you can relate more to this. Well, let’s get right into the blog post.

https://clarksonsblog.com/blog/20-things-i-learnt-by-20/
https://clarksonsblog.com/blog/20-things-i-learnt-by-20-the-2nd-sequel/

11. Cut yourself some slack, don’t expect a 100% success rate

We all do things that we look back on and aren’t proud of. We regret our actions that might feel out of character. Actions that in hindsight, we can’t really stand behind. You know, there are so many circumstances that affect our actions. So many things that cause a non-alignment between our actions and our principles and what we believe to be true. And so I think the goal of making the right decisions ten out of ten times isn’t attainable because we’re human beings and we err. 

I to do things where I look back and I feel like I was out of character, or that was unlike me or it’s something that given the chance I might have done differently. But those moments are becoming less and less with a deeper sense of understanding and love for myself. This is because I do believe so strongly in the values and principles that I have set and that I let guide me through life, but it takes practice for some people or I should say most people. Walking away, saying no or changing the direction of your life can be very difficult but the more you do it, the easier it’ll become to look after yourself and any other alternatives will be off the table. 

Character is the aggregate of a man’s moral and ethical values

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But when I say cut yourself some slack, I mean it on the lightest note. My dedication to my routine was especially unbearable in the month of March. Waking up at five to work out was torture, school was tough and the days seemed to drone on. I can recount countless times I woke up at dawn not even aware when I fell into sleep without performing my night time routine. I really didn’t have it in me to keep up with the little things. On some days my mind was racing between deciding whether to make diner, or catch up on a lecture, or to do my laundry, or watch some Netflix, or listen to some music, or go for a walk, or go visit a friend, or just to procrastinate in bed wishing I had done one of the above in the past hour. I could say I did nothing but that won’t be an accurate answer. Because on such days when I wasn’t my usual productive self, I took my chances with other alternatives. I could say that:

  • I rested
  • I listened to my body
  • I prioritised my needs
  • I shortened my todo list
  • I watched the show I love
  • I took a mental health day
  • I allowed myself to recharge
  • I gave myself what I needed

12. Compliment people

Never underestimate the power of a random compliment.

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This should be a no brainer but unfortunately, it’s not. Complimenting people is something that I do very often. When I see something beautiful in someone, I’d speak it. It could be your looks, your smell, your speech, your outfit or the tiniest details such as a firm handshake. Because that’s the person I am and I think it’s silly to be stingy with compliments. This isn’t to say that I’d go out of my way to make sure I have something to compliment you about, no. That’s hypocrisy and I’m not about to lie. Compliments are supposed to be genuine and I think it’s important that we commend people for the effort they put into something. It goes a long way to magnify their strengths and appreciate their efforts.

This should also be a happening on social media platforms. The display of some crafts and talents could leave you wanting more. Sometimes we just need to text people to let them know their work is of value to you and they should keep it up. They can live on this genuine act of appreciation for months and I know I don’t speak for myself alone when I say this. Perhaps it could be the start of an amazing friendship.

Also don’t be this guy😂, accept compliments graciously.

13. Define your moral compass and let it guide you through life

So essentially, your moral compass draws the line between what’s right and what’s wrong. It defines how you expect to be treated and how you treat others. It is your rulebook for life. Now consciously or unconsciously we all have a rulebook we live by. Perhaps you haven’t given it much thought but defining your principles simply begins with the overlapping question that is, what do I stand for and what do I not stand for? And you figure that out by asking yourself a tonne of questions, by reading, by educating yourself and also by learning through real life experiences. By going through things and analysing how it made you feel and what you would like to do with that information moving forward.  

For instance, if a friend persistently asks you for a favour which is a long shot away from getting a yes for an answer it could be pretty tough. Now in your bid to ‘be there for your friend’ you might eventually give in. Perhaps this friend wants you as a plus one to a community event. You go for this program and it was anything but pleasant. 

You might ask yourself how did that situation make me feel and how would I welcome a situation like that provided it occurs again? Once you have been able to answer that question, there is a memory attached to that feeling which goes down in your rulebook. Either physically written down, or a mental note in all caps. So you might decide that if a similar situation does occur, your course of action would be to immediately tell your friend that this isn’t an event you would be able to attend because of your unavailability or your tight schedule. As blunt as I’m making this out to be something I would say say is, “Oh thanks! That’s really thoughtful of you, spending the day with me but unfortunately this is such late notice and I have a repertoire of tasks lined up for that day. Could we make it another time? Hopefully I’m free then.”  This is a two play situation but I think relating this on a personal level would be helpful. So another everyday example that is more about what you do and does not involve what someone else says or does. Something that speaks to your character.

For instance, personally I don’t litter. Littering irks me so much I don’t think I have the words to quantify just how much. I think it’s a very disrespectful act not only to oneself but to the inhabitants or users of the place.  

Enough with the rants, my point is this holds even if no one else is around and no one will ever know because side note when no one is around and no will ever know, that’s when your true character shows. So pay close attention to how you act when you’re by yourself. You know, your moral compass should not only apply when you’re being watched. That implies in my opinion, weak character. But that’s a different topic. Now because I know that I don’t want to litter I make sure to spot the closest trash can before I generate any trash whatsoever wherever I find myself and if there is no trash can in sight, I carry it along and dispose of it in the nearest trashcan. I live in alignment with what I believe to be right and I think that’s the littlest way I can show some sort of love to myself. 

14. Don’t give yourself or people discounts

This could be viewed as a follow up on the above point. With a defined rulebook, you know what you have to offer as a friend, partner, student, son/daughter, you name it. And so just as you cannot walk into any store and request for a discount on items, the same applies for your rulebook. Fundamentally, you are your own store or your own house and the cost of entry are the rules that you have for yourself. So for others who would like to enter and who would like to stay, they’d have to respect it or compromise.

Another example which speaks to my reality is that I don’t want to be yelled at. That’s me and it literally applies across board. I don’t want my sister to yell at me. I wouldn’t want a partner to yell at me, my parents and even my boss. I also would not want to yell at myself. I’m no exception. I don’t give myself discounts either. Now all of those relationships that I mentioned are of course different and we might handle it differently depending on the person in the situation and act accordingly but the fact remains that I am not okay with it. Knowing this, I know I have a part to play to avoid being yelled at. I would have to live by certain values and principles because I am protecting that part of me which ‘malfunctions’ at the thought of being incompetent and below par. Because yes, that’s how I feel when I’m yelled at and this has been a matter of truth for as long as I can remember.

15. It is the action that matters

This statement is self explanatory. There really is no any implicit meaning to it but I think it’s worth elucidating. This can be addressed on a personal and a general perspective. I intend on addressing it both ways.

We’d begin with the former. The importance of taking action cannot be overemphasised. It’s undoubtedly unquestionable and it always ends as the conventional talk on motivation, discipline and drive. I’m not one to procrastinate but I find myself doing that more often than I’d expect for the fear that I won’t be able to achieve perfection. For instance, this article was due for posting on April 1 but I barely made any progress with it in the month of March because my goodness have I been procrastinating. I have given every excuse just to buy myself some time. In fact I’m not sure when this is going up but right now, as I key this into my drafts, it’s Thursday, 2:24 pm and I have promised myself not to get up till I have reached a milestone on this blog post. My point is, it’s not enough to say that you will do something until you actually pick yourself up and take those baby steps. Or perhaps you will not tolerate XYZ until you actually draw the line and that sets us down the path of the general perspective. 

A good number of people find themselves in relationships (NB: The word relationship is used loosely here to refer both platonic and amorous relationships) waiting on someone hand and foot without the slightest clue that it is a dead end. Now even before I probe further into what is essentially my point, I should throw in a caution. When one’s actions and words aren’t complementing each other there is the need for you to mull over the pertinence of the relationship. Perhaps my standpoint is bias because my primary love languages are quality time and acts of service. But in all fairness you can assess this contention with the other love languages. If this sounds new to you, I could bring you up to speed. There are five love laguages; words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. 

Now I say with much conviction that resentment can hide in compliments. Just because they’re quick to compliment you doesn’t mean they are tried and true. It’s important that we pick our cues from people’s energy and not their words and this requires a level of discernment which is only made available by the Grace of God. 

The depth of love you have for an individual is measured in the actions that you take in making it known to them.

And don’t get me wrong because this is implied in the subtlest of ways.

Typical scenario; I have done and said hurtful things to those around me before but I cannot erase the past. I can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. I can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future. Having confessed my failure and asked for forgiveness, I can pursue the possibility of restitution. “Can I do something that will make up for the pain I have caused you?” is a loving question that I would usually say.

Or probably I have been wronged and the person has confessed and requested forgiveness. I have the option of forgiving or not. If, however, I choose to forgive, then reconciliation becomes a possibility.

Yes, it happened. Certainly it hurt. It may still hurt. But people can either acknowledge their failure or not. If the person is more inclined in the latter, you can choose to release that person of any ties whatsoever because you refuse to allow other’s behaviour to destroy your day.

Releasing the person though, is not forgiveness. Forgiveness is a response to confession and so you can’t forgive someone when there isn’t any establishment of a remorse sentiment and hence a confession. It is rather a releasing of your hurt and anger so that you are no longer consumed by them. It does not restore the relationship, but it does allow you to live your life in peace and love toward others.

Remember, love is a choice not a feeling and in your choices opt for one that gives you a return on your investment.

And it’s a wrap for the third sequel. Please stay tuned for the fourth and final sequel.

I made sure to make this as short as possible and I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Thank you so much if you made it all the way here. It means the wold to me. Please don’t leave without taking the survey below. It’d mean so much to me if you did.

If you found this blog post helpful please be sure to hit the like button, leave a comment and share it with others who need to hear this. Have a lovely weekend!❤️

12 Comments

  1. Rawlings April 7, 2023 at 7:40 pm

    Facts bro

    Reply
  2. Nhyira Kyei April 7, 2023 at 8:27 pm

    This is genuinely really good Clarkson. It’s encouraging to see how despite the issues of life, someone is pushing through. I’m learning a lot about making right choices.

    Reply
    1. Clarkson April 8, 2023 at 9:38 pm

      Thank you Nhyira! It makes me happy to know my blog posts are of value to you. I look forward to update with more intriguing blog posts. 🙏

      Reply
    2. tuna April 10, 2023 at 8:14 am

      that is exactly right. the way i know is that i am always left feeling different after visiting this blog. a feeling of admiration and , being brought to attention because i am eperiencing something worth noticing

      Reply
      1. Clarkson April 11, 2023 at 5:16 pm

        I’m humbled. Wow, thank you for the kind words. It really does give me a feeling of fulfilment.🙏

        Reply
  3. Maame Ama April 7, 2023 at 11:12 pm

    This is my first time seeing your blog and I really enjoyed it! And I could relate so much with most of the things you mentioned and I also learned a lot thank you.

    Reply
    1. Clarkson April 8, 2023 at 9:30 pm

      Wow, thanks! This left me grinning from ear to ear. I’m glad you enjoyed your read and thank you so much for stopping by and for the feedback. More articles to come your way!🙏

      Reply
  4. Senyo April 10, 2023 at 7:42 pm

    It is a very wonderful post and rally simple to understand. Will be looking forward to more of your posts. Thanks a lot

    Reply
    1. Clarkson April 11, 2023 at 5:21 pm

      Thank you for this feedback! It has made my day. I’d do well to keep the blog posts coming always.🙏

      Reply
  5. Michael Asamoah April 14, 2023 at 4:32 pm

    Very interesting and involving post. I could easily relate. Apparently, this is my first time checking out your blog. Didn’t know you are that relatable way back from Presec!

    Reply
    1. Clarkson April 15, 2023 at 8:58 am

      Thank you so much Michael! I’m so grateful for this feedback. I’m glad you decided to stop by, please stick and stay. I promise it’d be worth it.
      Hahaa it’s always a pleasure to hear from colleagues back in Presec.
      Thank you again!

      Reply

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