Confidence, a rather sensitive topic for majority of people. There are some people who are born with an innate streak of confidence but for others it takes a little time to develop their confidence as they develop from children into adults. Regardless, there will be many times when your confidence takes a knock. It’s not unusual to wish from time to time that your confidence was better. While there are certain factors affecting your confidence that are out of control such as other people, it’s important to know which things you are in control of and how you can prevent yourself from destroying your own confidence. 

On that note, here are seven habits that are destroying your confidence. 

• Prioritising people’s opinions over yours.

There are many times you have probably purported in your heart to turn a blind eye to other’s opinions about you but you find that sometimes you unconsciously seek their approval. That’s okay. It’s common to care about what other people think. Especially if you’re trying to impress them. As human beings you want to be liked and respected by others. However, when you value other people’s thinking and opinion above your own, and change your behaviour to reflect what you think others want to see, you’re doing more harm than good for yourself. Not only does it affect your confidence but you lose your authenticity. Keeping up with the personality you have adapted to accommodate theirs leaves you drained after every social interaction. It’s always best to be yourself and allow the right people to gravitate towards you, people who’d love you genuinely for who you are.

• Dismissing compliments.

Guilty as charged, right? We often receive compliments by deflecting or shying away from accepting them because we’re embarrassed or we don’t believe the comment. By deflecting compliments we’re not only selling ourselves short, but challenging the judgement of the person complimenting us. We need to get rid off the misconception that accepting compliments graciously makes you an egomaniac. You must accept compliments graciously and take them on board in developing your confidence because truth be told, you’re amazing.🙂

• Negative thinking. 

You’ve probably had one too many of those days where you believe all the negative thoughts which take a toll on your confidence haven’t you? You become what you think. If you always think you’re not good enough, then you’ll never be confident. Indulging in pessimism creates a self fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, you’re gradually destroying yourself confidence with all of these thoughts. Reframe those negative thoughts to say, “I am smart enough to pass this test and I need to put my best foot forward” or “I am good enough to get this job and I need to show my skills”. This can reinforce a more positive mindset. It’s crucial to focus on what you can do instead of worrying about the outcomes that you can’t control. Read that last sentence again.

• Social media living.

A study shows that for 70% of people, their social media life is better than their own life. The pretty pictures people post on social media, as we know, are not always as they appear to be. If you consistently find yourself comparing yourself to others and living in your own version of reality, and only putting out what you want the world to see, then you may notice that this has an impact on your confidence in the real world. Once you start to understand that this is not what everyday lives are like, then you should start to feel more grounded. Life has its ups and downs but it’s our approach to these problems that define us.

• Self deprecating talk. 

When you diminish what you do, you’re taking shots at your self confidence. When you do something that’s laudable for which people commend you but for some reason you don’t acknowledge the plaudits you’re diminishing your worth and value. You might say something like, “Oh it was nothing, anyone could’ve pulled it of.” This isn’t an act of humility but an act of inferiority. When you’re constantly communicating that you’re not that great it’s bound to make you feel less than confident.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but it’s thinking of yourself less”

CS Lewis

So remember that and try not to confuse humility with self deprecation. 

• You set the bar low for yourself.

When you disclaim, “I’m not very good at this so don’t have any expectations”, it immediately makes others question your ability. Disqualifying yourself verbally reassures you that others don’t have high expectations from you and will be disappointed but by setting yourself at this level, naturally your confidence is going to be low and so would your sense of value. When you put on confidence, it instils confidence in others about you as well. That’s the power of being optimistic; the power to set the tone lies within you.

• Ruminating.

Have you ever found yourself repeatedly going over what you didn’t get right or situations you didn’t like? An example of this may be that you can continuously think about something you said during a presentation in class or to your work colleagues. Rumination is taking thinking to another dimension altogether. Even though thinking is considered necessary for problem solving, ruminating is focused on the problem and not on finding the solution. When you ruminate on your poor decisions or setbacks consistently, even the most confident people can struggle at times, and it’s perfectly normal. 

You are unique individuals with different skills so use them to your advantage? Using positive affirmations every day where possible can help to remind you of your strengths and what you want to develop. Did any of these points describe you or your experiences? If you have any comments or feedback regarding this blog post, please leave them in the comment box below. We love hearing your feedback, it is so important to us. Have a nice weekend!✨🌤